BASILISA LAVARIAS,

@ 10:11 PM by jessica

March 10, 1915 - May 31, 2009.

Iloveyou.

Since I am older now, I'm more aware of death. Within the past two years, I've known five people that have passed away. It scares me but it is inevitable. Anyway,

As much as I love my great grandmother, I'm surprised at myself that I'm not sad as much as I imagined. (Or maybe I'm just crazy and it hasn't hit me yet since I'm being so nonchalant about it) I know she's happy where she's at, and I can finally be at peace knowing that she's no longer suffering or [is] sick. I know she lived a happy life of 95 years. She got to live up to taking care of her GREAT grandchildren (my siblings and I), apparently no one believes me that I had a great grandma around still. As I've gotten older, I've learned to let go and make it a positive situation. Surprisingly, the Father at last week's Sunday evening Mass at church also talked about letting go. Instead of crying, I'll keep celebrating the love I have for my Bai. She still lives through her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. 

I've shared my tears yesterday, as well as last year when she left me physically to go to the Philippines. (I wrote about it on my Mother's Day entry) I've always slept with her while my siblings slept with my parents, I'd sleep near the wall while she slept on the outer side of the bed. I always helped her or held her hand wherever we went out to the stores 'cause my siblings never wanted to 'cause she took her time and always walked slow. I've never known anyone that prayed as much as my bai (she even tried to teach me how to pray with the Rosary) or even smoked as much as her. Supposedly some family members said that smoking was her medicine, but she stopped at least two years ago. She'd even smoke her cigarettes backwards. As much as I hate when people smoke around me, it never bothered me that she did. I don't know why, but when she did it, it was never around me but outside the house. She'd always nag my siblings and I about always wearing slippers around the house because our feet would be cold, or if my sister and I were wearing tank tops, she'd tell us to wear a shirt 'cause it's cold, or that I should tie my hair up 'cause it's all in my face, lol. She used to pinch us with her really long nails, but I miss it in a twisted/weird way. I remember running away from her but only to get corner on the wall and get pinched, lol. She'd exercise in the backyard by putting a stick along her back and swinging it right and left, she did this when we were in Philippines, too ('98). I really miss her.

I still cry about this, but I'm happy that I even got to meet her since I've never met any of my grandparents except my mother's mom and my mother's dad's sisters.

Iloveyou, Bai Sisay.